if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
