maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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