I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
