I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
