i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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