Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
