Life is so much better after having sex.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
