there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
