he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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