Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
