Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
