No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
