Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
