youre lurking in front of me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He has the fingertips of a God
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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