I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
