Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
