It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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