Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
