And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
