I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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