So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
