I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize