at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
