the condom got lost in my hair
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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