there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
