I forgot how hot balto sounded
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
