oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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