Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
