Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We left the knife in your bed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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