Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
