Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
