i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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