Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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