my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think people are normalizing furries
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
