Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
