oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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