I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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