Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
