wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
