woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
