I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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