I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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