the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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