I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
this hospital has no fireball
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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