We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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