Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I faked an abortion last night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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