Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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