I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
