real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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