So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
