where am i from again
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
