Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize