He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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