I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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