Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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