he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
