that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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