She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
