I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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