I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
