Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
