I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
