youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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