dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
