He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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