I didn't shave. On purpose
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
