I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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