I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
